Reflections on Finding Your Why

excerpted from Finding My Voice

“There is no greater gift you can give or receive than to honor your calling. It’s why you were born. And how you become truly alive.”  ~ Oprah Winfrey

Have you ever worked at a 9-5 where you were just miserable? I’ve had my fair share of 9-5 jobs where stellar annual reviews and, depending on the industry and organization type, profit or success sharing bonuses, still left me feeling frustrated, empty, and dissatisfied. 

Maybe you’re currently living this and are wondering how to escape the tedium of the 9-5 grind? For the longest time, I thought I needed to be more patient and suck it up. I wouldn’t call myself a job hopper since I’ve stayed at places for significant periods of time. I worked for the Bureau of National Affairs (BNA) for over 12 years and for the US Pharmacopeia for 7 years…left and returned to both employers after taking a break. Obviously I left on good terms if I was able to return. But it always felt like something was missing. 

As I dove more into the personal development space and invested time and money in small business coaching programs (sorry, ‘containers’ are for food storage, not what I call programs!) I realized I had been ignoring the subtle nudges throughout my life, calling me to take a step back and reflect on my life purpose, my ‘why.’ 

What would I do if I were self-employed? When I earned enough to donate significant amounts to various causes, what do I value most? 

At first it was a struggle pinpointing which organizations I felt connected to and wanted to help. When I stopped obsessing about it, I realized how important animals have been in my life. I’ve been a lifelong cat momma and more recently, dog mom. 

So part of my why is to help rescue organizations do the wonderful work they do to connect animals in need to families. Other organizations include helping women in need by connecting them to resources to get them back on track to lead independent, healthy lives. I’ve participated in fundraisers to help folks in communities hard hit by acts of inhumanity as well as donated to nonprofits promoting intercultural exchange and understanding. 

While it helps to think about how you can help others, you still need to go back to the source and ask yourself, “What’s my WHY? What’s my life purpose? What have I been called to do?” 

While originally writing this chapter, I felt the spiritual nudge to re-read a message a childhood friend sent me years ago. I had asked him to explain again about his near death experience that ended up being life changing. He described an intense feeling of peaceful happiness knowing he was elsewhere yet still present. Experiencing this sensation of happiness and light and being called back from beyond to return to ‘Earth’ required an unimaginable force.

What helped him return back from ‘beyond’ was the certitude that one day he would return ‘there’ for good, supporting his feeling that he had to finish whatever the Universe expected of him on the earthly plane. 

This got me thinking about how impactful it is to discover your life purpose and know your ‘why’ so that you can ‘course correct’ if you suddenly feel called to do so. If you realize you’re not living the life you were meant to live. 

It’s worth taking the time to reflect on what motivates you, what do you enjoy doing? What impact do you want to make….and on whom? 

And arguably the most important question circles back to this: 

Are you walking in line with your purpose? 

When I sat down and thought about my discontent with the 9-5 world in general, I asked myself what’s my life purpose, what’s my WHY? 

I realized that every time I reflect on this question, it leads back to writing, painting, and photography. Tapping into my creativity intuitively.

I’ve missed opportunities over the years due to social anxiety and being uncomfortable with public speaking. 

When I was a child my mom used to play up each of our strengths (or what she perceived our respective strengths were). As an adult it felt somewhat limiting since I was always told I was the logical, scientific child when in fact I had a lot of bottled up creativity.

So don't feel you have to label yourself with certain traits or qualities, but rather, figure out what makes you light up and SHINE? 

As a side note on ‘Shine,’ as of this writing, Jupiter, the planet of abundance, growth, and expansion entered the fiery Leo sign. As a Leo rising, I have felt this astrological shift as a nudge to experiment more with my creativity, put myself out there, and share my work. Oh, and of course, SHINE!

But I digress…

Once you ‘inventory’ your strengths, the next step to take is to unlock your ‘Je ne sais quoi.’ ‘Je ne sais quoi’ literally means I don’t know what, but this French expression best translates to X factor. 

Discovering your  ‘je ne sais quoi’ can be easier when you have a supportive community where you feel safe. That might mean your friends, or maybe you join a group, either online or in person, where you have a shared goal of lifting each other up to realize your fullest potential.  

I drafted this piece as a chapter within ‘Finding My Voice’ during the pandemic after overcoming crippling perfectionism and my fear of public speaking. The isolation of the pandemic led me to launch and host  a podcast.

I’m editing this chapter after recently deciding to leave the 9-5 life to focus on writing and creating art.  

Despite not living on the easiest astrocartography line (Saturn descendant), Nice, France is now home and where I’ve been reflecting further on my WHY.